It’s… We’ll get around to it later. Eventually. (Slowpoke Community Day!)

Hey, Trainers! Welcome to March Community Day featuring this lazy river-puppy – Slowpoke!

The date and time? Saturday, March 18 from 2:00pm till 5:00pm local time. And here are your bonuses:

3X XP for catching Pokemon! (What I love about this is that Slowpoke are SUPER easy to score Excellent hits on. Pop a Lucky Egg, use a Curveball and get it first try? It’s 7000 XP easy.)

2X Candy for catching Pokemon. (Including 2X chance for Candy XL for those Trainers level 31 and up!)

Lures and Incense launched during event times will last for 3 hours.

Trades will cost 50% less Stardust! Plus, you can make one additional Special Trade between 2:00pm and 10:00pm.

Stickers! Slowpoke themed Stickers will be available in all the ways you normally collect Stickers.

Slowpoke themed Avatar Fashion items!

Photobombs!

After 2:00pm Slowpokes of Kanto and Galar unite in Four Star Raids! Beat them and Slowpoke will gather for 300m around the Gym. These Slowpoke will have the same Shiny odds as during Community Day hours. (In-person Raids only – no remote raiding permitted.)

For $1 or your local currency equivalent you can take part in a Special Research quest: Slow and slower. (I feel like they missed out on the opportunity to call it Low and Slow. Which is how I imagine you’d have to cook a Slowpoke tail. It’s all muscle, so, would probably be kind of tough.)

Both Kantonian and Galarian Slowpoke will be available to snag by the dozen!

Evolve it into one of its myriad of evolved forms during event hours and it will know the Community Day move, Surf.

Evolution restrictions for Galarian Slowpoke have been eased, instead allowing you to gain this form by walking with Galarian Slowpoke and catching 30 Psychic Types instead of Poison Types. This lasts till 10:00pm. (This same evolution method is the standard for Galarian Slowking.)

You may find a shiny or two!

Okay! With that out of the way, let’s go ahead and Spotlight this sleepy, dozy, dopey little doofus!

Spotlight on Slowpoke

So, people complain about how Charizard is everywhere. How it garners too much spotlight, has too many forms, gets shoehorned into every new gimmick.

I present to you… the humble Slowpoke.

First of all, Charmander has not gotten a Regional Variant yet, so, neither does Charizard have one. But Slowpoke has two evolutions per regional form plus a Mega evolution. The only thing it DIDN’T get was a Gigantamax form. (Or a Paradox form or convergent evolution, I guess. But neither did Charizard so that’s a wash.) That’s right – 5 evolved forms to Charizard’s 4.

So. Y’know. Ease up on poor ol’ Charizard. He’s just out here doing his best to deal with the lower back pain that comes from lifting up this entire franchise.

Anyway! Slowpoke! The Pokedex tells us that… well. There’s actually a LOT of conflicting information. Some entries say it takes 5 seconds for Slowpoke to feel pain if its tail is bitten. Seems like a long time – bang your thumb with a hammer and you feel it pretty much instantly, right? A lot of damage can be done in 5 seconds. Well, some other entries retcon this to be an entire DAY. Tail gets bitten now and it will feel it tomorrow. Depending on what’s doing the biting? (Lookin’ at you, Sharpedo.) It might not be around to notice this pain the next day. Then some entries state that it doesn’t feel any pain when the tail is bitten.

At this point, who knows what to believe?

It fishes with its tail by dangling it in the water and releasing a sweet fluid into the water that draws in fish Pokemon, which are its prey. Its tail, apparently, falls off frequently and regrows. Like a lizard, I guess? These tails can be snapped up by wildlife or used in traditional Alolan cooking. Otherwise, it just loafs around, lost in thought.

Its Galarian cousin is a little less well known.

It drops the Water Type though can still primarily be found in and around the water’s edge in Galar’s Armor Isle. This version seems to have switched dietary preference towards a vegan menu – it eats the seeds of a Galarian plant that sharpens its focus and makes the tail-fluid it secretes spicy in flavor. Interesting! Being as it no longer goes fishing, that might be why it’s no longer a Water Type.

The very first evolution for Slowpoke was Slowbro.

This is a simple one – a Shellder lodged itself onto a Slowpoke’s tail while chasing those delicious tail-fluids and has decided never to let go. This has caused a metamorphosis for both Slowpoke and the Shellder. Shellder becomes a bigger, spiral-shelled version and Slowpoke stands on its hind legs and has to physically hunt down prey. It’s said that if the Shellder can be dislodged, Slowbro de-evolves back into a Slowpoke. We never see this in the games, though. Oh! Also! The Shellder is poisonous. So there’s that. If it bites down really hard, Slowbro is said to gain a moment of brilliant clarity and inspiration… which it will forget a moment later.

This is the only Slowpoke evolution to gain a Mega! Essentially, the Mega Energy powers up Shellder, rather than Slowpoke itself. In fact, Slowpoke is swallowed whole!

Slowbro in GO:

Max CP 2877, Att 177, Def 180, Sta 216
Mega: Max CP 4245, Att 224, Def 259, Sta 216
Type: Water/Psychic
Fast Attacks: Water Gun, Confusion
Charged Attacks: Ice Beam, Water Pulse, Psychic

Ah, yes… the Pokemon who wants pants. (A Pokemon the Movie 2000 reference!)

In this incarnation, Shellder has bitten the opposite end of the Slowpoke it was chasing and has lodged itself firmly to the Pokemon’s noggin. As before, the Shellder is poisonous and leeches toxins into Slowpoke… but because of the switch in orientation, this poison has unlocked Slowpoke’s innate intelligence and intuition making it the King! It has smarts equivalent to upper scale geniuses and spends its days figuring out life’s mysteries.

It’s given Fire Blast as a Charged Attack option in Pokemon GO and I just… that’s. That was a choice someone made. Other than that, Typing and Stats are identical.

Slowking in GO:

Max CP 2877, Att 177, Def 180, Sta 216
Type: Water/Psychic
Fast Attacks: Water Gun, Confusion
Charged Attacks: Blizzard, Fire Blast, Psychic

Galarian Slowbro has only been in one Generation so far, so, info is sparse to say the least. What we DO know is that Shellder has affixed to this Pokemon’s hand instead of tail or head. Slowbro squeezes Shellder’s tongue and it causes the unfortunate mollusc to shoot toxic sludge out of the top of its shell. Because Slowpoke in Galar eat a toxic, spicy plant, the convergence of those toxins with Shellder’s toxic goop means this Pokemon is a Poison Type, now.

Galarian Slowbro in GO:

Max CP 2764, Att 182, Def 156, Sta 216
Type: Poison/Psychic
Fast Attacks: Poison Jab, Confusion
Charged Attacks: Focus Blast, Sludge Bomb, Psychic

The issue here is that we have an end-game level parasite situation. Instead of the Slowpoke being in the drivers seat with Shellder hanging on… Shellder is in the lead position here. The poison it’s using on poor Slowpoke has rendered it unable to fight back. This has granted the Shellder incredible intelligence and arcane knowledge… it combines its own toxins with plant extracts to brew weird potions.

Wild, huh!?

Galarian Slowking in GO:

Max CP 3072, Att 190, Def 180, Sta 216
Type: Poison/Psychic
Fast Attacks: Hex, Acid, Confusion
Charged Attacks: Shadow Ball, Future Sight, Sludge Wave

Galarian Slowpoke in Shiny is a super bright yellow and very easy to spot. Kantonian Slowbro is an ever so slightly lighter shade of pink and very, very hard to spot so be careful when Shiny checking!

And that’s all I got for you, Trainers! As always, I’m here wishing you the absolute best of luck out there! Have fun, stay safe, and catch ’em all!